Ready When You Are
by Stickynote17
Summary: Set some time after Afghanistan. Deeks, afraid of what he is willing to do to protect the woman he loves, has decided to go back to LAPD after the team rescued Kensi in Afghanistan. Kensi confused as to why he is leaving confides in her mother. I wrote this a year ago and only just recently found it on my computer so I apologise if it is terribly written.


A/N this was my first attempt at fanfiction please comment and let me know what you think

Disclaimer: I don't own anything unfortunately

The tv was on but kensi wasn't watching. So much had happened in the last few months that she couldn't comprehend it. Deeks had kissed her out of frustration right before being kidnapped and tortchered, they had finally started talking about their 'thing' and she was wiped off to Afghanistan just as their 'thing' was getting started. She wasn't sure what had happened during the rescue mission to come find her but what ever it was deeks had become distant. A little too distant for her liking. They didn't hang out outside of work anymore. Even at work he barely talked to her unless he had to. Now deeks had taken a "break" from ncis.

As kensi sat on her couch with a Chinese container on her lap that had long since gone cold, she thought about the events of the previous week.

*FLASHBACK*

She walks into OSP to find deeks packing up his desk. She needed to know what was going on. Why was he acting like this? Did she do something wrong?

"Deeks..." She called out as she made her way to his desk.

"That's my name", he cracks back. But kensi was not in the mood for his jokes.

"What... Ah... What are you doing?" There was a pregnant pause before his reply.

"I'm leaving. Going back to LAPD."

"Deeks, are you upset with me? did I do something? Cause I can't figure it out. We were fine before Afghanistan, we were finally getting somewhere with our thing then all of a sudden it's like your walking on eggshells around me. You won't talk to me, you barely look at me and now this. What is going on!" She took a breath and looked towards him pleading with him to tell her what was happening to them.

"Kens" he took a breath, looked at her and started again "I want to tell you. I really do, but I can't. I need to work through this myself. Ok? This... This isn't permanent I'm not leaving for good. I just need to get away. Go back to the station for a while", again he paused and finally he whispered "sort through everything that is happening in my head." With that deeks picked up the box of his belongings and made his way to the door. Just before leaving he turned back to her with his signature smirk and said

" don't worry fern, I'll be back."

*END FLASHBACK*

Kensi's thoughts were interrupted by a knock at her door. Maybe if she left it whoever it was would leave.

"Kensi sweetheart are you there?"

Damn it was her mum and she couldn't just shut her out. Not after she had shut her out of her life for 15 years.

"Yeah mum I'm coming just give me a sec."

She opened the door and step back to let her mother in.

"I tried to call you earlier but you didn't answer."

"Sorry mum. It's just been a long day. Actually more like a long six days"

"Talk to me honey tell me what's been going on."

So kensi launched into an explanation about everything that had happened since deeks had kissed her that day on top of the hill.

"Sweetheart he'll come round eventually just give him time. In the mean time you need a break from all this. its your birthday Tomorrow let me take you out to dinner like we used to when you were a kid. We can go to the cafe I used to take you to every year." Kensi sighed " mum I don't want to do anything and I don't want anything. I just... The only thing I want for my birthday is for him to speak to me again. I want my partner back." The last part was more of a whisper.

"Come here honey. You really love him don't you" kensi didn't say anything. As her mother wrapped her arms around her she stared out the window.

The heavy silence was interrupted by a second knock at the door. However. when kensi opened the door no one was there. Only a neatly wrapped box lay on her door step with an envelope leaning on top. She picked it up and sat back on her couch.

"What's that" her mum asked

"Not sure" as she turned over the envelope she instantly recognised the hand writing.

Deeks.

She opened the envelope and slowly began to read the letter;

 _Kensilina,_

 _Happy birthday. Even though you forgot mine ;) I would never forget yours. I know it's a day early but I have been holding on to this box for so long I needed to give it to you. I'm so sorry for the way I have been treating you lately. I wanted to explain what's going on in my head but I wasn't sure how. Now I am. Our job is to make up stories and act out those stories in order to catch the bad guys. We make a living on our ability to story tell. So here's one more story to add to the collection. One upon a time, there was a young boy. His name was max. He grew up believing he was worthless that he wasn't good for anything but trouble. Why else would his father hurt him the way he did. Unlike the other kids, that boy didn't get to play at the park or dress up for Halloween. Instead he spent most of his life hidden in his room or under the bridge at the beach so the other boys wouldn't see his bruises. As max grew up he swore he would never be like the man who raised him. That boy became a cop one of the best there is determined to catch other parents who hurt their kids the way he was hurt. While working on a case Max met Fern, the most amazing girl he had ever met. She was strong, smart, incredibly skilled, she could kick a mans ass twice the size of her and she was beautiful. Before he knew what had happened he had fallen in love with her. Fern made him feel whole again. Just as he was building up confidence to tell her how he felt, she was taken from him. Sent on a top secret mission where she was kidnapped and beaten. If that wasn't bad enough for him, photos had been found that appeared to show his Fern had been killed. In a fit of rage Max did something that he extremely regrets. He water boarded a man. For a slight moment he became the monster he swore he would never become. The things he was capable of, the things he would do to protect Fern terrified him. What scared him more was the possibility of him becoming his father and hurting Fern. So he distanced himself, to protect her. To make sure he could never hurt her. More than anything he wants her to be his but he can't have that yet. Not until he is sure he is Max and not the monster he used to call dad._

Kensi wiped a stray tear from her eye as she lowered the letter.

"Kensi are you ok?" She didn't answer as she passed the letter to her mum. She took a deep breath and picked up the box. Slowly opening the lid she looked inside. It was a simple silver necklace with a surfboard charm on it. On the board was a Fern carved in the middle and a small diamond in the centre. It was beautiful.

"Oh kensi, that man loves you so much he doesn't even realise it." Her mother sighs as she finishes the letter.

"I'm going to go. You need to figure out what you're going to do from here. And for gods sake talk to the man. Call me if you change your mind about dinner."

With that her mum got up and left.

...

The following morning, Deeks was up early. He didn't sleep much anyway so he had decided to go for a surf. However when he opened the front door the box he had become all to familiar with was sitting at his door. What was it doing here? The same box that had been sitting up in OSP since kensi had opened the original one containing this one was now sitting in his living room. That's when he noticed unmistakeable handwriting on top.

 _Deeks, you have no idea how amazing you are. You are not your father. Now open the box you idiot._

Now not sure how to feel about this. deeks pulled out his knife and opened the box. Laying in the bottom of the big box was a photo frame with a picture of them in it. In the photo they had just returned home after their Christmas holiday and they had walked under mistletoe so playing along she had kissed him. Nell had snuck a quick photo and sent it to both of them.

There were four words written on the back of the frame. As he read them he began to smile .

" touché" he whispered as he reread those words.

 _Ready when you are_

A/N I am thinking of doing a sequal were Deeks does a big romantic gesture in his Deeks way to apologise and tell her his ready. Let me know what you think.


End file.
